Scared but did it anyway challenge

At the end of 2018 I set a challenge for myself.
“Kim, you’re to do something each month that scares you.”

In January I started looking around and  Jessica (@jessica_christie) popped up in my feed with, “Do you want to do a boudoir session?”
“Hi Jess, send me some info?” 😳😬
While no was my immediate answer, I said yes. My body is curves for days. My skin has stretch marks and cellulite, and scars. I’m constantly tired and constantly battling. 

But I actually really like my body. It’s strong, its seen me through depression and Crohn’s disease, illness and joy. Hell, it walked 100km in a week up too many bloody stairs to count in Italy.

Still, I had to talk myself up to sharing this because it’s more boobs that I normally show and definitely more thigh. So. Much. Thigh.

Some of my earliest memories are being told that I was destined to have thunder thighs. I remember in grade one being asked if I really wanted to eat a cream bun because it would go straight to my thighs. I remember being asked at 11 if I wanted to wear board shorts at the beach because “no one wants to see that.” I remember at 17 being told I should wear baggy pants because skirts just “don’t work with your thighs.” All of this happened while I was a healthy weight.

And then I got sick. Hilariously, the sick I got resulted in true weight gain. Like 30kgs in less than 6 months. The horror in my parents’ eyes when they next saw me was pretty amusing.

Comments included, ” I thought you were meant to lose weight when you got Crohn’s disease?” And “Everyone I know that has Crohn’s disease is skinny.” I was on 1500mg of steroids a day. I ballooned out. But I was healthy. I was large but damn, I wasn’t in hospital. I counted that as a win. And yet the comments continued.

It’s taken me a long time and soul searching, health fluctuations, crash diets, dietitians, intolerance’s, chronic fatigue, manic weight loss episodes and a few really horrible days in hospital where it was touch-and-go to realise that health is more important to me than weight. I’m still working on self love, but I love this picture. And, damn it, I love my thunder thighs.

Now I’m about to undertake my next adventure. Hold me? ❀

#scaredbutdiditanyway #SummoningThor


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